Chapter 32: Here's how I've optimized my Hinge profile as an Indian man in his early-30s to have it all.
If online dating is a numbers game, then I'm racking them up!
I met a 28-year-old woman last Sunday, and it was a fun first date.
I called her on Wednesday to ask if she wanted to eat sushi on Saturday night, and we decided to check in on the day.
I texted her yesterday morning, but she hadn’t replied.
Based on her previous response times, I knew she wasn’t interested in meeting again, despite saying she was looking for a relationship, yada yada.
Just to be sure, I called her around 6 PM.
No answer. Disappointing.
No matter.
I already had a choice between a woman keen to hook up, or another woman who was probably looking for something long-term.
Something about inappropriate things.
These are texts from two women I was chatting with yesterday, and I matched with a third woman, too.
Ultimately, the second woman drove 30 km to see me at a bar 5 minutes from my house.
She called some 45 minutes before to ask if this was a booty call.
It wasn’t.
That was the other woman.
But one look at her profile told me she would not be okay with what I’d tell her.
I didn’t care. I wanted to sip some Monkey 47 and chat shit to a beautiful woman.
She blocked me later. I’m not sure why.
I will write about this date another time.
Am I in the top 20% on an attractiveness scale? Surely not!
I caught up with a dear friend over dinner last week (if you read this, Iraj, thank you for subscribing to my blog!), and he said I am probably in the top 20% of men because of how regularly I get matches on dating apps.
I scoffed.
Because only about 20 women have ‘liked’ my profile over the 10 months I’ve been using Hinge - I don’t fancy any of them - so it’s not like I’m drowning in matches.
Then again, I don’t have a problem getting dates.
I’ve asked some of my peers, i.e. guys of a similar build, about their experience using dating apps - but they’re struggling with getting matches, forget dates!
What’s my modus operandi? What am I doing differently?
In essence, it is:
The solid photos.
The candid profile video.
The words I’ve used to state what I’m looking for.
Tailored messages to women.
My Match Note, which closes the loop.
Here’s what my Hinge profile looks like:
To quote a certain McGregor, “Who the fook is that guy?”
I love that photo!
It’s badass. It’s masculine. It’s sexy.
I’ve listed ‘long-term relationship, open to short’ as to what I’m looking for, but I believe the game changer is my Match Note.
“Hi, I hope dating on Hinge has been good for you. I’m settled in Dubai and looking for my ride-or-die, but I’m open to dating short term (for a few months) as I’m still figuring out what love is, funnily enough.
Chat soon x”
Direct marketing 101 for the meat market.
You’re the product.
You’ve listed what you’re in the market for.
You’ve got a few product shots selling yourself.
You make your pitch - send a message - to pique their interest.
If they’re interested in what you have to say, they check you out.
And if you’re compelling enough, you’re in!
In my experience, if your photos have done the heavy lifting - as they should with dating apps - what you say is the last mile.
But I’ve spent about a decade intermittently using these apps and am a former advertising copywriter.
I used to write letters for the C-suite.
So chatting a woman up on Hinge…is not exactly difficult.
I’ve designed my profile to attract women who claim to be looking for a long-term relationship.
On the flip side, the “figuring out what love is” has also led to consistent, short-term, NSA relationships.
Which means I essentially get the best of both worlds.
Allow me to digress; I recently matched with someone for the first time who had a note, and here’s what it looked like:
Sweet interaction, no?
Back to my profile review!
I love that photo and the story behind it, (ask me about it in person - it’s fucking hilarious!) and I’ve added ‘Magnetic Fields Festival’ as a location, which is a great conversation starter.
I love this video, and all the women I’ve matched with love it too!
The prompt is ‘My self-care routine is’ and it shows me in my natural state: enjoying a meal.
I was at my best friend Avi’s wedding, and the band was singing a cover of Bryan Adams’ ‘Heaven’.
I eventually open my eyes from savouring the sublime food to notice my friend recording me, and I playfully flip them off with a mouth full of food, with a smile that extends to my eyes as they laugh heartily at me.
(You know who you are - thank you for recording this!)
I do love the little things. I like this prompt because it showcases a more chilled version of myself.
Look at that magnificent set of pearly whites!
As for the prompt - yes, I will admit it is braggadocious - I used the word ‘crushed’ to satiate my ego.
But can you ID the lie?
This last prompt is a new addition. It’s fun, it’s punchy, it’s self-aware.
After all, wordplay leads to foreplay.
What. A. Shot.
Talk about leading the pack.
Or am I leaving them in the dust?
(God, I’m such an insufferable cunt.)
I’ve only recently grown comfortable with showing my body off online, so I left this smiley moustache-heavy topless photo for last.
Does creativity win you points?
Almost always.
Drinks on a first date are standard, because they’re a safe bet.
I’ve had more than my fair share of first date bevvies with beauties, but that doesn’t mean you can’t think out of the box - which is what I’ve demonstrated with three date ideas that skip the customary small talk over booze.
Whether you follow through or not is beside the point (I haven’t done any of the above on a first date yet) but I’ve been told my suggestions make me seem like a fun guy.
The voice prompt is just me and my friend Avi horsing around; I repeat the words “Therapy recently taught me” in a deep voice and then go on to ask him what therapy has taught me.
I end up laughing uncontrollably (because he knows my thoughts on therapy) and Avi says he doesn’t want to be on my profile.
And that’s my Hinge profile, ladies and germs!
I can’t be bothered sharing what I message women because:
This blog is long enough
I tailor each message (unless I get bored and spam the old reliable “Type of woman I’d save before the kids in a fire”)
I’ve got too many to share
And I’m a firm believer in experiencing - and learning things - for yourself.
Also, what I say most of the time isn’t some high-level ‘game’…most of it is just the truth expressed slightly differently:
Tell the truth and run away.
I read this when I was learning how to become a great copywriter - I think it might be an old Yugoslavian proverb - but you’ll have to fact-check me.
There are times when I think those who found their partner before online dating caught the last chopper out of Saigon.
But hey, like I told that woman I met last Sunday:
“I’m a glass-half-full kind of guy.
Especially if it’s a glass-half-full of tequila.”
With love,
And more life, always.
— Karan
(Edit 1: 27th May 2025 - I added a section and description about different date ideas, and what I’ve mentioned in my voice prompt. I forgot to add this earlier.)
I'll just say that, ultimately women enjoy and prefer men who are living their lives, are financially stable and emotionally mature (all of which most men take time to build through experience).
Competence is the easiest umbrella term for it. Women enjoy confident men, and confidence comes from competence.
If you look above average, and can sell yourself well, then that's all that is required to win on dating apps.